Ball sacks? No thanks. Hey, that rhymes.
I know you turned over and discovered Celebs Go Dating (one of my personal favourites - isn't Tom the Receptionist just divine?! Somebody get him his own TV show) but I've had a think about the TV shows you need to watch while you're here.
Ok, this is an obvious choice, but if you're chilling out tonight Chris (can I call you Chris?) you need to watch The Great British Bake Off. We're swooning over Steven, and we can't deal with how much we love Noel Fielding's shirts, but you're going to love it. And you love baking, so surely this is a win win.
Tune in Tuesdays at 8pm on Channel 4.
You might need the subtitles for this babes because it's a real tricky one to get your head around. It's a show which follows a bunch of Geordies (translation: a collective word for people from Newcastle) around the toon (translation: town) getting mortaled (translation: getting pissed) and necking on (translation: kissing) with canny (translation: nice) others. They also say 'wai aye' a lot which kinda means 'yes'. Honestly, they should do Geordie Shore 101 at University.
Tune in Tuesdays at 10pm on MTV.
Hun, if I had the day off work instead of slogging away at my GLAMOUR desk, I'd be tucked up in bed watching Homes Under The Hammer. The fact that the show hasn't changed its format in 200 years is proof that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. If you love some property porn, Chrissy, this isn't it. Instead you'll see a gross flat go to auction (one that I'll never afford - #millenniallife) and in 6 weeks times it'll be all spanking new with mod cons (a dishwasher), a taupe colour on the walls and a basic bitch grey sofa.
Homes Under The Hammer, never change.
Tune in daily at 10am on BBC1.
Chrissy, surely you've heard about TOWIE? The show is god damn famous here in the UK - they even do tours to Essex to check out the likes of Minnie's Boutiques and Sugarhut. Not gonna lie, I'm desperate to go on said tour. But only if I can hang out with my new girl crush (AFTER YOU CHRISSY - NATCH) Gemma Collins. I think you'll like Gemma, Chrissy. She speaks her mind, and she is pure LOLS. If you don't enjoy an episode of TOWIE, I won't believe you.
Tune in on Wednesdays and Sundays at 10pm on ITVBe.
Yay it's back! The X Factor is a bit of a bore this year (amirite or amirite?) but Strictly Come Dancing is going in for the kill. I reckon you'll love Strictly, Chrissy - basically because it's identical to Dancing With The Stars in the US but less cheesy. Also, I've watched that and everyone is amazing in week 1 - what's that all about? Prepare to cringe as our celebs tackle simple dance moves and take deep breaths as they deal with their nerves. Also, I reckon you will love Claudia Winkleman Chrissy, she's your type of gal.
Tune in on Saturdays at 8pm on BBC1.
Ok, so I don't watch this all the time (because my life is way too fabulous and who can stay in that much?) but you need to watch EastEnders while you're here. It's insane. There's just so much drama in one area of London; I caught a bit last Thursday and there was a shooting, a fire and a cheating scandal. Also, you'll get to see inside the most famous pub of London - the Queen Vic. Oh, and Chrissy you should follow Danny Dyer on Twitter - @MrDDyer - he's just as LOLs as you.
Tune in Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday on BBC1.
Ok, so you know James Corden as Mr Carpool Karaoke but we know him as SMITHY, the lovable oversized boy in Gavin & Stacey. This show is set between Essex and Wales and it will give you ALL the feels. Be warned though, you'll also head home saying: "Oi, John, where to you going?" all the time and it will drive John crazy.
Tune in on Dave channel.
Downton Abbey is like sooooo 2015. Now we're all about Victoria and you'll really get a feel of what being British is all about. Well, sort of. But at least you'll be able to go home feeling all regal 'n' stuff.
Tune in on Sundays at 9pm on ITV.
Ok, back to reality TV it's way more my bag. Chrissy you need to tune in to The Celebrity Island... basically it's a load of celebs who are put on an island by Bear Grylls and they have to fend for themselves. There's no glitz and glamour here, and it's fairly traumatic. I personally love it for the sweet romantic storyline that is Lucy Mecklenburgh and Ryan Thomas. They're a couple now y'see, and that's how they got together. Cute. I'm single but I ain't drinking my own wee to find my Mr Right, but each to their own.
Tune in on Tuesday nights at 9.15pm on Channel 4.
You've probably been on this, but there's nothing more cosy than sitting in watching This Morning. You just never know what you're going to see! Phil & Holly (the hosts) could be cracking up with laughter, or we could be introduced to a man with a sex robot or they might be doing a testicular cancer check LIVE. Actually, I think you've seen enough balls for one week. But anyway, if you want a pal to watch TV with - tweet me: @LeanneBayley.